I know I've mentioned this before, but check out my love's blog? www.playmyheartstrings.blogspot.com I seem to be appearing in it quite often now and thought she deserved a shout out. It's unatural how we can't be apart for too long. Maybe it's from the fact that she lives a minutes walk away. During the summer, we went from spending almost every day together to a full brutal week of seperation. Sometimes we're act more like a couple then friends. We are "married" on facebook. It's not like it's wrong to have a friend that your super close with? I can just see what's going to happen in the future.
Me: (talking to guy about the Sadie Hawkins dance) Do you want to go to the Sadie's dance with me?
Guy: Uh I thought you were dating that Abby chick.
Me: *sighs*
I hope I did at least somewhat of a justice of explaining my friendship with my love. She's done a much better job.
I've always wondered what it means to be your own person. Yes, I look too much into things. It seems that when trying to 'be your own person', or at least attempting to be what it entitles, you end up being fake. Who you are is based off of the people around you, how you interpret it, and how you use in your own way. Which is also something I am still trying to figure out. In the midst of everyone else, there's you. Usually trying to find something that will seperate you from the masses. I honestly don't know what it truly means to be your own person. Maybe never letting anyone effect you? For better or worse? I try to be my own person, but I feel as if I'm lost in the shadow of other's that already have it figured out. I'm just a wannabee using them in an effort to make something that's better out of myself.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinion, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
"I am told to just be myself, but as much as I have practiced the impression, I am still no good at it."
" 'Be yourself' is the worse advice you can give someone."
I will find myself feeling shadowed sometimes. Feeling as if your eclipsed by a friend. One that's smarter, funnier, or prettier. I don't feel jealous, I love them all far too much for that. I just sit there as a supportive friend and wish I had more. I'll sit and see some complaining about the things I wish could secretly happen to me. That I would complain too, but also quietly revel in the excitement.
The mirror can be the enemy. Relfecting the thing you want to see least. Standing there and staring. Not feeling self hate, but a dull resolution that it's the best it's ever going to be, so you just have to suck it up and continue. But that doesn't require to love what you see. It simply entails admitting that that's all you got.
"Love yourself, for if you don't, how can you expect anyone else to love you?"
Maybe a post shouldn't consist of a teenager's problems and quotes provided by google. I seem to forget to mention all the great things in my life. My friends, whom I love to death; my family, which annoying as they can be at times, are still there for me; and the inexpressible joy I get from being able to sleep with the windows open, considering the air conditioner is not running. The child like insticts in me are pleased by small things: being able to open the windows, finding yummy food in the kitchen, and spending more money then necassary to get the things you want.
"I didn't invent the rainy day man, I just own the best umbrella."
Rachel - Je T'aime
Dan's soothing voice telling me he loves me just the way I am. Heaven much?
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